There you are, March
Full, healthy and wholesome,
Familiar,
Like the man who is meant for you,
Robust, raw and authentic
He gets shit done,
Yet, he’s kind and passionate.
March could be a farmer,
Tilling and planting
Dirt on his rosy cheeks
Dust in his dishevelled hair.
He is comforting
But makes you want to get out and play
February, my tears and cocooning,
I leave with you.
March, I’m ready for you to have your way with me.
Thursday, March 1, 2018
My life is Spectacular
When sadness is left behind
Because the girls need new swim suits
And the land lord needs his mail
And I set outside to give the neighbors
Their mail, put into my box
By a distracted mail man,
And I see the eighty four year old neighbor
On the other side
Still raking her lawn,
After hours in her spring garden.
It catches my eye
The sun, causing such a spectle at the end of our street.
I have to honour God’s handy work
With at least a photo
Before I drive west into the light
And into the mall.
The young neighbor laughs at me
From behind the glass of her car,
As I gesture to the astral beauty.
Twelve hours later
It catches me again
Like a cat, hiding and waiting
To grab by arm
And get my attention
Admiration flows towards its texture
The details
The colours
Of the star’s gown
And off I rush again
To breakfast and lunches
And dressing my body in color and texture and warmth
This pause, this awe
Is the tonic of my soul,
the missing ingredient in the recipe of my life.
Because the girls need new swim suits
And the land lord needs his mail
And I set outside to give the neighbors
Their mail, put into my box
By a distracted mail man,
And I see the eighty four year old neighbor
On the other side
Still raking her lawn,
After hours in her spring garden.
It catches my eye
The sun, causing such a spectle at the end of our street.
I have to honour God’s handy work
With at least a photo
Before I drive west into the light
And into the mall.
The young neighbor laughs at me
From behind the glass of her car,
As I gesture to the astral beauty.
Twelve hours later
It catches me again
Like a cat, hiding and waiting
To grab by arm
And get my attention
Admiration flows towards its texture
The details
The colours
Of the star’s gown
And off I rush again
To breakfast and lunches
And dressing my body in color and texture and warmth
This pause, this awe
Is the tonic of my soul,
the missing ingredient in the recipe of my life.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
My Broken Self
You have shown me the indifference of my kin
The cruelty of my tribe
The disregard of my people,
And you have exposed my own
You have beaten my enthusiasm,
my hope
Shattered my strength and will
Yet still expect me to give more.
I see need
Everywhere
And no one well enough to fill it.
All I have is my broken self
Fat, without credentials or pension or partner or plan,
And yet now, I see the beginning of peace,
The stirrings of kindness
In me,
For me.
Monday, February 19, 2018
They are not me.
Anger, distress and pain
Took up residence in me.
They wanted permanent visas,
Even citizenship
But my heart protested.
I cried,
I resisted,
I begged for help
And help arrived
In the form of love
And acceptance.
Now, anger, distress and pain
have been ejected.
I sit again comfortably
In my heart of peace,
And make peace
With those who hurt me,
With those who gave me the opportunity
To see so clearly
That anger, distress and pain
Are not me.
Took up residence in me.
They wanted permanent visas,
Even citizenship
But my heart protested.
I cried,
I resisted,
I begged for help
And help arrived
In the form of love
And acceptance.
Now, anger, distress and pain
have been ejected.
I sit again comfortably
In my heart of peace,
And make peace
With those who hurt me,
With those who gave me the opportunity
To see so clearly
That anger, distress and pain
Are not me.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Where to find happiness?
Aoife and I said "Walmart!" at the same time to the question, "where should we go?"
Cousin Kiki present too, off we went, because it was so serendipitous!
The girls advised me on what to buy. "Not too granny" was the qualifier! Their treat was make up and matching necklaces.
A man asked me to skip in front of me to pay for his shirt because that's all he had, and I had a cart full.
He helped me unload, and said, "you helped me, I help you." He had a sweet smile and soft eyes. But somehow, he made the magazine I got for my Lu disappear. It was "Toronto Life" magazine with a big article on Jagmeet Singh, who Lucy is campaigning for amongst her friends.
I left my pile of goodies with the two girls at the McDonalds, where they munched fries. (I know, yuck, but they are preteens on the town, going on thirty seven!) I headed back to get the magazine and lined up in the fast lane to pay. The cashier's name tag said "Bibi". She just beamed, not just at me, she beamed, period! I told her how lovely it is to be greeted with such a smile. She asked me to tell her manager, which I did. Then, I asked her, "where does your joy come from?" She said, "my heart and," she pointed upwards, and whispered, "God. And my mom. My mom is always happy."
Cousin Kiki present too, off we went, because it was so serendipitous!
The girls advised me on what to buy. "Not too granny" was the qualifier! Their treat was make up and matching necklaces.
A man asked me to skip in front of me to pay for his shirt because that's all he had, and I had a cart full.
He helped me unload, and said, "you helped me, I help you." He had a sweet smile and soft eyes. But somehow, he made the magazine I got for my Lu disappear. It was "Toronto Life" magazine with a big article on Jagmeet Singh, who Lucy is campaigning for amongst her friends.
I left my pile of goodies with the two girls at the McDonalds, where they munched fries. (I know, yuck, but they are preteens on the town, going on thirty seven!) I headed back to get the magazine and lined up in the fast lane to pay. The cashier's name tag said "Bibi". She just beamed, not just at me, she beamed, period! I told her how lovely it is to be greeted with such a smile. She asked me to tell her manager, which I did. Then, I asked her, "where does your joy come from?" She said, "my heart and," she pointed upwards, and whispered, "God. And my mom. My mom is always happy."
Family Day Weekend
Oh what a feeling,
to have a three day weekend!
I awake from a nap right in the middle of it,
And feel its luxury
in the pace of the movements of my mind.
I feel the whole day of tomorrow
Stretched before me
With nothing to rush to
Nothing to have to do,
And my whole body smiles.
to have a three day weekend!
I awake from a nap right in the middle of it,
And feel its luxury
in the pace of the movements of my mind.
I feel the whole day of tomorrow
Stretched before me
With nothing to rush to
Nothing to have to do,
And my whole body smiles.
What do I have to do?
Awareness comes of being alive. I feel a body I belong to, for now.
"Who am I? Where am I? What do I have to do?"
My first thoughts on awakening remind me of another thought. "I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to come to this planet. Why did I come? What do I have to do?
There is so much pain in my life and I don't like pain. I was not made for pain. Yet, in between, in the simple, quiet moments, there is bliss, there is peace, there is the reason for being here.
I sometimes judge myself for landing the way I did, for not having a career, an education, financial security, for feeling so deeply, for being so effected by life or by people, or for taking so long to grieve my marriage. Then, I remember, I am a good person, a kind loving person. I always try to do the right thing.
When there was very little or no closeness in my marriage, people said, "take a lover!"or "leave him!" There was a day when I was so distraught I thought, "I do everything to be a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, a good person, and I still suffer, still I am not happy. So why not be bad? Why not drink, go out, go find someone to love me?" I was angry and determined. Within minutes, the words of a song came to me from a movie that was playing in my house, "seek yee good and not evil, oh I beg you, my brethren,and cheer up, cheer up, cheer up, cheer up, cheer, oh yeah, yeeeeah!"
It was a Rastafarian man, come out of the woods to deliver these words to me, like he was heaven sent. They broke through the core of me and showed me who I am, someone made to seek heaven on earth, to create heaven on earth.
The part I have the hardest time with, is cheering up. Sustaining the cheer, not enduring the pain, nor doing the right thing, but not succumbing to the weight of the world.
The song ends, "the wages of the Lion is death in Babylon, and the gift of Jah, eternal life in Zion, oh yeah, yeeeaaah."
Zion, or heaven, is the moments in between, the cheer, the bliss. Zion is right here. The eyes of my mind that see suffering are the eyes of deception, the eyes that tell me I should be what I am not, that I should have what I have not. I do not have to look through those eyes. I can look through the eyes of Truth, that say, "this life is a gift. There is everything here to be happy."
What do I have to do?
Choose these eyes! And sing of Zion!
"Who am I? Where am I? What do I have to do?"
My first thoughts on awakening remind me of another thought. "I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to come to this planet. Why did I come? What do I have to do?
There is so much pain in my life and I don't like pain. I was not made for pain. Yet, in between, in the simple, quiet moments, there is bliss, there is peace, there is the reason for being here.
I sometimes judge myself for landing the way I did, for not having a career, an education, financial security, for feeling so deeply, for being so effected by life or by people, or for taking so long to grieve my marriage. Then, I remember, I am a good person, a kind loving person. I always try to do the right thing.
When there was very little or no closeness in my marriage, people said, "take a lover!"or "leave him!" There was a day when I was so distraught I thought, "I do everything to be a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, a good person, and I still suffer, still I am not happy. So why not be bad? Why not drink, go out, go find someone to love me?" I was angry and determined. Within minutes, the words of a song came to me from a movie that was playing in my house, "seek yee good and not evil, oh I beg you, my brethren,and cheer up, cheer up, cheer up, cheer up, cheer, oh yeah, yeeeeah!"
It was a Rastafarian man, come out of the woods to deliver these words to me, like he was heaven sent. They broke through the core of me and showed me who I am, someone made to seek heaven on earth, to create heaven on earth.
The part I have the hardest time with, is cheering up. Sustaining the cheer, not enduring the pain, nor doing the right thing, but not succumbing to the weight of the world.
The song ends, "the wages of the Lion is death in Babylon, and the gift of Jah, eternal life in Zion, oh yeah, yeeeaaah."
Zion, or heaven, is the moments in between, the cheer, the bliss. Zion is right here. The eyes of my mind that see suffering are the eyes of deception, the eyes that tell me I should be what I am not, that I should have what I have not. I do not have to look through those eyes. I can look through the eyes of Truth, that say, "this life is a gift. There is everything here to be happy."
What do I have to do?
Choose these eyes! And sing of Zion!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)